In the quaint little village of Puddlefrog, where the frogs were suspiciously large and the puddles suspiciously deep, a ragtag band of adventurers stumbled into town after a long night of questionable decisions involving a bard, a barrel of mead, and a very offended goose. The townsfolk, clad in mismatched socks and wielding pitchforks with more enthusiasm than skill, were in a tizzy about their latest predicament: the Great Toadstool of Gloom, a massive, glowering mushroom said to be older than the hills and grumpier than a dragon with a toothache, had begun belching clouds of glittery spores that turned anyone who inhaled them into a disco-dancing fool.
Our heroes—comprising a kleptomaniac halfling rogue named Stickyfingers McGee, a half-orc barbarian called Grumblesnout who spoke only in interpretive dance, a wizard with a beard so long he kept tripping over it named Gandalfred the Slightly Confused, and a cleric of the God of Pastries, Sister Puff-Pastry—were summoned to the town square by the mayor, a portly fellow named Barnabus Blimpbottom. With a voice that quivered like a jelly dessert, Barnabus explained that the Toadstool’s glitter-fever had already claimed half the village, including the blacksmith, who was now pirouetting in a tutu forged from his own hammers, and that the adventurers were their last hope—mostly because everyone else had already fled or joined an impromptu conga line snaking toward the horizon.
As Aiden mac Aodha listened to Barnabus explaining the town’s predicament, he started mentally tallying his expenses, both real and imaginary. He figures they might as well squeeze some coin out of this backwater while they waited for Gandalfred’s weird syphilis swampwater remedy to take effect. He really can’t understand the wizard’s obsession with beholder sex, but it is what it is. While he disliked the nickname “Stickyfingers Mcgee”, Aiden hated being poor even more, so he put up with the insulting sobriquet from the bigfolk he was currently traveling with as long as it affored him the opportunity to make some easy money. Besides, Sister Puff-Pastry was delightfuly naive, Gandalfred was mostly deaf, and Grumblesnout snored like a banshee and slept like the dead. If the bigfolk became too bothersome he could always just slit their throats while they slept and find new patsies, er… companions, in the next town. Narrowing his eyes as the mayor finishes his stuttering entreaty, Aiden offers their assistance for a substantial reward, hoping his intentionally inflated price will instill a feeling of gratitude in his mark, er… the mayor, after he graciously lowers it after being reminded of the town’s dire predicament.
[Rolls Charisma + Persuasion]
Big fan of Stickyfingers McGee.